Lightworker’s Log © 2010-2013
“I know but it just seems so real,” I answer while knowing what I’m hearing is true. “I choose to be happy and enjoy my time here.”
As the sun continues to set, I watch a funny movie on the back porch using my laptop and headphones. The movie quickly transports my mind. It’s nearly midnight when I shower before bedtime.
Sleep is difficult. I find myself on the Internet at one o’clock in the morning. Two of my friends have sent messages of love. Charles sends a message in bold type font twenty times its normal size. “THE MOST GIANT QUANTUM HUG YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!!!!” Sara from Michigan sends a series of funny cartoons that make me laugh out loud before finally feeling the tiredness of the day.
I wake after 9:00 AM unable to sleep more and lie there thinking about my day. I know I’ll write more, that’s a given, but what else can I fill my seemingly lonely day with. There’s one more plant to repot and I begin to think of a planter from decades ago with a kitten face on it. I rise and find it in the china hutch that Daniel made me years ago. Due to many circumstances, it’s a miracle to still have it.
The ceramic piece looks much too fragile and precious to use as a planter. My eyes are drawn to a present from Daniel received in the 1990’s as I put it back on the top shelf. The sunshine pillow is still in its box sitting next to the ceramic angel that says “Hope.” Abigail gave me the angel last Christmas. I pick the box up and lift the pillow out stroking the “You Are My Sunshine” lettering amid the puffy cloud and smiling sun.
A thought flashes through my mind that there’s a message for me somewhere that I’ve never seen before. Reaching to the bottom of the box, I find a slip of paper from a fortune cookie with a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt.
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
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Comfort and Encouragement
Constantly malfunctioning electronics are often a clue that the energy around us is trying to communicate. An excerpt from Transformation shows us one of the ways this occurs.
As I work on the book listening to uplifting music, the CD player stops between songs.
“Don’t be sad Mom,” I hear in my head.
I hold back tears while silently replying. “I am acting sad aren’t I?”
I’ve been home for almost three hours now having spent less than that at Ruth’s with the family and now the fireworks are starting. Although I enjoyed seeing Ruth, Rebecca, Samuel, and his buddy, Momma, Terry, Rachel, and Abigail it seemed like I was alone.
“Remember, this is just an illusion, a dream world Mom. You can make it what you want to. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be sad,” Daniel’s essence notes.
It occurs to me that Spirit’s clues are subtle but now I’m paying attention. Placing the paper back, I squeeze the pillow thinking of Daniel and notice the tag that’s still attached. “It’s just a manufacture tag with information,” I think, even as I’m drawn to open the flap. Daniel’s beautiful penmanship proves me wrong.
“I still remember when I was a child you used to sing me this song.”
My heart melts reading the message. I finally allow myself to cry, once again, for the son I know I never really had.
“I can cry now, can’t I?” I ask the air around me. “It’s been a long time.”
For a few moments, I cry like a mother who lost her child, even knowing his essence led me to find the treasure at this time to boost my faith in the mission our souls agreed to.
“Mom, you’re never really alone,” Daniel’s voice rings in my ear. “You know that we are always with you and you know this is a dream world.”
“I want to come Home,” I silently repeat while walking over to the kitchen window even as I smile thinking Daniel is already there.
“A few more years Mom.”
“That’s right. I have to wake up as many parts of me that I can. We are all parts of God and no one can truly go Home to stay without the others. I know I will continue to receive the love and support that I need to finish my work and I’m grateful.”
“Go outside in the sun even if you don’t leave the porch Mom. Go outside.”
I wipe the tears from my face, walk back to the room where the china hutch stands, and put the pillow back in its box before opening the sliding glass door. The sweet song of birds at the bird feeder surrounds me. My mood begins to change as I stand in the sun. I know Spirit guides me. Comfort and encouragement will continue to come when I mistakenly think I need them.